details

"Details" is always a friendly argument between my husband and I. I say truth is in the details. He says details don't matter...MMmmm I think I'm right. One of my favorite books explains it so well...The Catcher in the Rye. The main character Holden explains how everyone thinks his roomate is an incredible guy, when he knows the truth. If you look into his roomates shaving kit you would see that's it's filthy. That shaving kit shows the nitty gritty truth of his roomate. Not the public person everyone sees but the true man he is, which is a filthy ass.

So that said I can explain that I do not know one of my neighbors at all. I know her name, so I shall call her V. Her name is all I really know about her yet I know that I really really dislike her. I dislike the type of human she is...why? Well, it's the little details of her that I witness.

1. She parks her car crooked and in front of my other neighbors front door (I live in townhouses)
2. When she first moved here her daughter wandered the streets on her bike for hours at a time. I never saw an adult with her. Girl looks to be about 7.
3. She keeps her poodle tied to it's dog crate in the garage 24/7. The weather is getting hotter my patience for seeing this poor animal getting ready to cook alive is becoming a shorter and shorter fuse.
4. She leaves her home to go to her crooked car to go wherever it is she goes dressed like freaking Jay-lo. She struts out like some freaking movie star with her head held very high as her child wanders the streets & her dog lives a horrible life.

See...these are all details of her. I really don't know her...maybe if I tried I would like her. I would think she's cool. But that won't happen because the truth of her is in the these details a casual observer as myself has witnessed. I personally want to tie her to that dog crate and close the garage door.

I wonder what details people have noticed about me?

1. I spend a large amount of time standing at my front door in a tank top, pair of Will's boxers yelling "puppies...puppies....."
2. I am one of the most social/anti-social people you'll ever meet...constantly wanting to hide in my cave and constantly making plans with friends to go "somewhere..."
3. My car is filthy but my kitchen is clean...
4. I have an honest fear of zombies/aliens.

Are any of those things details? If they are what do they say about me...other than I'm a bit touched in the head???

I don't know....but what I do know for certain no matter what my dear hubby says, is the truth of a person is in the details of what & how they live their lives.

Men & cell phones

Perhaps it's just me.....which seems to happen very often. A situation comes up and I seem to be the only one that thinks "hey....that's kinda weird..." Or perhaps which is often the case everyone is thinking it and I Miss Goss is the first one to voice it.

So here is my latest outburst: Cellphones have become an extension of a mans penis. Look around men everywhere are constantly messing, fiddling, touching, looking at their cell phones. I have been in a group setting where no kidding 2/3 guys are in the conversation but at the same time messing with their cell phones. So the other night as I watched my husband & male friend have a nice conversation both were fiddling/checking their cell phones. It then struck me...it's an extension of their penis.

I have 2 boys in the future am I going to have to say
"leave your penis/cell phone alone..."

Put your cell phones down gentlemen unless your Obama nothing is happening every couple seconds.

moment

Sometimes life gives you little moments that stick to you for days. Every Wednesday when I go to class I see this young guy walking around with a baby stroller. He's obviously wandering around waiting for someone probably the baby mama to get out of class. He's very young I am guessing not legal drinking age yet. So last night he was sitting on a bench holding the baby this is our conversation.

ME: Cute, how old is the baby?
GUY: 3 months.
ME: Boy or Girl...
GUY: Boy...
ME: Ya know it gets easier.
GUY: Really?
ME: Yes, everyday that passes your son gets a little older. The older he gets the easier it becomes.
GUY: (he's got tears in his eyes) Thank you...

For once loud mouth Mrs. Goss seemed to have said the right thing at the right time to the right person.

wanted

So Sunday night I'm watching the movie Wanted with Angelina & some dude. The jist of it is that the dude is a looser, he's a pussy, suddenly he learns that his father was an assassin he inherits millions gets trained as an assassin. There are a couple plot twists but you get the general idea. Good flick by the way. I didn't say great but I did say good.

What gets me is that the people who wrote this film knew exactly who they were fishing for. They were speaking to Joe Moe Public. Is there anybody out there that wouldn't want to be be taken away by a gorgeous woman/man, given millions of dollars, made a lethal bad ass and sent out into the world to well kill people.

Your lying if you say "no, thank you..." Everybody except for a couple pussy dorks wants to be a bad ass killer action person type of thing. If you start to talk about the ethics involved in killing people you don't know your lying again...Lying to yourself and everybody else. Because if some secret society took you in, made you cool, made you a killer, gave you millions, and made you a super bad ass well the most granola vegan enviro person would sign up.

Me? Well, sadly there aren't any takers in that department I'm over-weight, not stealthy or sneaky (according to the hubby) and well I have horrible eye sight. A secret society of librarians would probably be more interested in me...

but I can watch the movie like the rest of the world and dream...

go forth and educate yourself.

linguistics 
–noun (used with a singular verb)
the science of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, pragmatics, and historical linguistics.



I am about to do some bitching....but keep in mind that no matter how much I bitch I actually find linguistics fascinating and I am determined to finish college even if I do it wearing depends undergarments and flashing my AARP card at the bookstore.

Also my bitching is a testimate to why a person should finish college in their twenties like it's meant to happen. I am very very pro-education I believe everyone should educate themselves in some fashion...BUT when a woman starts to reach middle age her patience or tolerance starts to really really wane.

3 hours of linguistics

first day of class

Thinks she's hot, girl in front row:
I hate hearing all this goody goody talk about self esteem. You need to watch your child's self esteem. Do you have self esteem...blah blah blah. More often than not I run across people who have too much self esteem. They have a very over estimated concept of themselves. This girl was one of those who thought what she said was important and had value. She believed herself to be intelligent and expressed opinions constantly even if they made her sound like a dumbass. I had to hear her bullshit for 3 hours.


Girl with big lap top next to thinks she's hot girl:
This girl had no job, lived with her parents, no career goals (all this she announced to the class), but a lap top that was freaking huge. She took it out take notes but only typed 3 words in it the whole class. How do I know this because she sat in front of me. It's commonly known that if you have a huge freaking lap top with a very bright screen sit in the freaking back.

Myself a menstrual cramping tired mother of 4:
I had a very hard time sitting in class because I was so uncomfortable the freaking desks are like airline seats and I get that restless leg thing. I sit there tortured the whole time because I want badly to stretch my legs & walk around. That right there is a definite sign of aging....think about it, old people are always walking around because their legs bother them if they sit too long. I then fell asleep TWICE during a video about the origins of language...which was crazy because I was interested in what the video had to say, but I couldn't stay awake. I don't know if I can blame my age on that one...I blame my period which always exhausts me the first couple days & the fact that my 9 month old thinks 4:30AM is a great time to play.


So there it is the first day of class...hated it the whole time...but will I keep going "yes."
Will I work hard so I can pass "yes."
Do I think it's vital to my future for myself & family that I pass and continue on to my degree "yes" Do I enjoy school anymore "hell no."

job

Hate is a strong word I don't use it lightly.

Once again a non-funny blog from me...sorry folks my life just isn't funny lately.

My husband loves his career, but hates his position at work & hates his co-workers. I hate his co-workers because I see the grief these people put him through. Since he's had his position he's been getting nothing but grief no joy from his work. I see the stress of this job in his body language when he gets home the cloud that hangs over his head on a daily basis. He seems to have aged a lot since being put in that position. He does it because we bought a home and so that I can finish school & stay at home with our baby. The fact that I am currently powerless to help him kills me. I want nothing more than to have a good career where I can go to work, earn a decent living and he can say goodbye to those smucks.

On top of the powerless feeling...I have this bad bad feeling about that job. I just think his boss is using him and will spit him out when it's convenient for her. It's as if I see this cloud of impending doom headed our way if he doesn't get the hell out of there....BUT he can't get the hell out of there till I can get back to work...

it sucks...it sucks...it sucks.....

PERSONAL

I've been wanting to come back to my blog but knew that I couldn't until I got my head wrapped around everything that happened to me since Thanksgiving. I had discussed events in detail with friends, but just couldn't get my thinking straight to write it all down. AND I knew that I had to write it all down before I could go back to my usual kinda funny commentary on my life. I don't like my blog to be personal...I like it to be funny because without humor we are left with nothing but maggots & cockroaches ya know?

Two things happened....well a couple big things and many small things. First my baby got very ill. Well, he got kinda better, then very ill, then kinda better, then really really ill...since a couple weeks before Thanksgiving I was in sick baby hell. Anyone who has had a baby knows what sick baby hell is like...well the sick baby hell was constant for a couple months. He had what I thought was several ear infections...after I saw a specialist who was awesome...Well, he is awesome. The doctor told me that my baby had one massive infection that just wouldn't go away. His ear drums busted 7 times...To make an incredibly long story short he got tubes put in his ears, his infection was some special bacteria that took daily shots for a week to be rid of...he is now doing very well but I'll still be in and out of that specialist office for months maybe years...


Now to once again talk about my family events that happened....a tale I am honestly sick of I blog it only for those of my friends who don't know the details and for anyone who might come across my blog and relate. I have to start by back tracking a bit. My mother is passive aggressive & agoraphobic. Her agoraphobia was getting so bad she wouldn't leave the house with anyone but me or my sister (a sister who is in town maybe 3 times a year). I am the only care giver for her and if I don't show up at her front door then well no one does. This was bad because I had a 3 day rule...I made sure to do something with her at least every 3rd day. I wouldn't leave her alone for more than that because I knew it was one old lady alone in a big house with nothing but the cable. It was really getting to me because many many times I would want to be home, out with friends, doing anything but hanging out with her but I would force myself to go. Keep in mind that my mother is able bodied and there are some really really nice programs out there for the elderly but she would refuse to participate in any of them.
The passive aggressive and contradicting me in front of my children was getting out of hand. It shouldn't be done in the first place but she was getting out of control with it. Example: We are about to go into Wallmart I tell my four year to not ask for anything he's got everything he needs at home (children need to understand that they can't have things every time we go into the store...right people? common sense) she heard me then looked at my son and said "I can buy the baby whatever I want..." You get the picture.

Then my lovely & charming (I use the term loosely as if a big turd could be considered lovely and a maggot charming) came into town for their yearly Christmas visit. My brother & sister bought a home...I told my brother that I wanted my mom to start visiting them for periods of time now that they had room for her (it's a 5 bedroom plus guest room house) so I could have a break from her...he told her what I said but made it sound nasty. In turn my mother got sullen and made (again, sigh) a lot of passive aggressive remarks to me...My sister who in means well but was constantly picking up my four year old keeping all freaking day and trying to take over parenting while she was in town She would interrupt me in the middle of correcting him to tell him something herself...it was out of hand. I was going crazy.

Then an afternoon came when I was sitting in the backyard with a sullen old lady...my four year old asks me to take an old toy home..I tell him no thank you...he's going to toss it on the ground in the middle of the garage I've been trying to throw that toy away for a freaking year. I tell my 4 year old that I have my reasons for saying no. I wasn't saying no to be mean I had a reason. My mother turns around and says to my four year old "She is mean...."


Now I am reading this book The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup...I highly highly recommend that any woman over the age of 35 read it. It's more than menopause it's about midlife it's about how we woman tick in the second half of our lives. Dr Northrup states that when a woman reaches perimenopause she begins to change. Her tolerance for things that before she would excuse or deal with diminishes. I have realized that I am at the perimenopause stage in my life. MY tolerance for my mother at that point was gone. I exploded. I yelled like I have never yelled before. I was trying to get my point across to her but all she did was roll her eyes. When she rolled her eyes something in my snapped. I wanted to slap her, but instead I left. I walked out of that house...it's been a month I haven't been back.

For weeks maybe months prior to all this I had been feeling angry. I had this intense anger in me all the time. I was freaking seething...It made no sense because I had nothing to be angry about. I have a great husband, new house, good kids...there was nothing to be pissed about. There were days that I was so angry I would stand in my pantry telling myself to breath in and out...in and out. I now understand that it was my personal message from my soul, core, spirit...whatever you call it. I kept ignoring the fact that this situation with my mother was wearing me down, killing my happiness.....

The second my mother said that...the week after, even now I felt something shift in me. This wall came down on me that I am almost 40 years old and still dealing with the dysfunction of my family. I have grey hair & crows feet why the hell am I smiling at my sisters ignorance, tolerating my brother being an asshole to me our whole lives and enabling my mothers pitiful pearl BS.

Interesting thing when I stopped calling her...it took her a month to call me...The anger slowly faded. My household suddenly felt really good. If I didn't have such a sick kid I actually had time now to spend with my friends. I talked to my husband more because I wasn't too angry to even speak. I (almost) stopped yelling at my 4 year old. A calm came down upon me.

I haven't seen my mother since that day. She did call me this week to let me know she was leaving to Los Angels for a month and wanted to see the children. That really pissed me off. But I now know not to expect more from my family it would be a waste of time. They are irrational people who speak in circles and blame their faults on others. I felt she owed me an apology. I feel hurt and distaste for her. When she called I calmly told her that when she got back from Los Angles she and I would sit down to have a long talk only after that would she see the children.
She accepted what I said...I think she knew she had no choice.

I know exactly what I will tell her when we do sit down to have that talk. I don't want to go into it now because I am just sick of the discussing, pondering, going over the whole thing. I do know that I have changed, things will change or I will go away as easy as that.


During all this insanity something a small moment happened that I think about often...I had dropped off my son at preschool driving home I noticed two woman walking along the sidewalk...One was wearing shorts, t-shirt, ponytail..the other was a Muslim (forgive me but I don't know the proper name for the clothing) and was wearing a track suit with her head covering...you could tell they were walking for exercise...both were laughing and talking with each other... I loved that two woman so different were friends and looked genuinely happy. I knew I wanted that....I wanted to be happy and if that made me the biggest bitch according to my family then I would just be one happy bitch.

time away...

having big fat ugly family issues & sickly kids...I will return to my blog when I have something remotely clever to say.