pensive

Nite Nite....

Bedtime is my favorite part of the day. Yes, for the overwhelming obvious reasons of putting the 1 tiny dude & 1 small dude to bed having some time to myself or chasing around the old man...but I like the ritual of it. I like the dinner, the cleanup, the baths, brushing teeth, reading the book, good nights, kisses all of it. Sometimes when I'm exhausted I would like to skip half of it, but even then I enjoy it. The best part for me is something that gives me that calm cozy feeling every time anytime of year. Right before I go to bed I always go into their rooms to check on them. I cover them up or untangle them...touch their little bald heads & kiss the small dude behind the ear...wouldn't try that with the tiny dude might wake the beast...It always gives me such a feeling of gratitude. They are safe, they are home, they are loved...I am lucky because many others don't have this & I do. I know there are many mothers out there that wish to give their children safety & peace enough to play & grow but can not....so every single night I am grateful always.


Cable Guy

When the cable guy showed up we chatted for a moment before he started his work...he looked at me and said "Oh your getting connected...this is nice lately all I do is disconnect..." What an incredible simple statement of the time we live in.


Appearance:

I've been getting a lot of "Wow, you look good..." lately. I mean I am getting it a lot. Which is interesting to me...did I look that shitty before? Did contact lenses make that much of a difference? I stole Kates haircut from Jon & Kate plus 8...am I giving off a Kate vibe? Do these people say that because they know I had a baby 4 months ago and well they don't want to upset the mama? Or they want to make the mama feel good about her mama self? I have actually felt really shitty about my appearance lately. When we moved into this townhouse I had my bubble very violently burst...there are huge mirrors here. I had small mirrors at the apartment. I (go ahead and gasp..) I dared to look at myself butt naked in front of a mirror. I was horrified when I found out (seriously I hadn't a clue) that after giving birth to G the C section left me with a pot belly. I have always had a belly but a pot belly is so so so terrible. Screw that weird looking girl on Pulp Fiction... I can't wait to get it cut out. So when people say "Wow, you look good..." I always think & have said to them "ya, but you don't see me naked..." AND I am gratefull that Big Country does & still hits this.