aliens & pubic hair

Aliens:

So I've got a lot of issues about things that are generally ridiculous. An example would be that I occasionally get super worried that a Resident Evil type of zombie bullshit will take over the place and where will I hide with my kids. Along with the concern as to how much formula could I loot for G before he's turned into a baby zombie. I am not concerned for W since W is former bad ass military guy.....he'll survive, kill zombies & hopefully rescue his family all while riding his Harley.

But, I digress...I am scared shitless of Aliens. Mmmm...let me clarify Space Aliens. Kidnapping/Abduction scare the crap out of me...so put in some small pissed off grey "things" well you've got my 10th level of hell. So Tuesday night there was Primetime Aliens on TV. Now I knew better. I knew better than to record it, put the boys to bed, and try to casually watch it. I knew better, but I did it anyway. I sat there trying to pretend the things people were saying were not terrifying me while I polished my nails. I looked up at the pictures of aliens with big bug eyes & funny shaped heads and told myself that these are just drawings no reason to panic.

Well, I Miss Tonta of the week scared the crap out of myself. I am a 36 year old mother of two..and I was freaking out. W was working late & the boys were sleeping while I wandered around the townhouse thinking crazy thoughts:

Crazy thoughts:

I totally need a weapon. I need something to bash their shiny heads in.

I wonder if aliens are really burned by plain water like the ones on Signs.

and me trying to calm myself thoughts:

Aliens wouldn't come here to a townhouse complex in Imperial. They need back woods somewhere....not deliverance back woods, but more like Canadian woods where peole are drunk on beer & less likely to fight them off.

Aliens wouldn't attack a place that is over run by Latinos they know better...Latinos would fight them off...picture the nana smacking one with a broom...Latinos would kill them off with whatever household shit they could grab, have a carne asada, go to church and then be on the TV crying over the whole experience while their boy cousin proudly tells the show's host that he fed one of the aliens to his dogs.

I told Flaca how I scared the crap out of myself...I could feel her rolling her eyes (this issue is getting old for those close to me) through her text. I told B about it...and because it was late & I was tired I think B totally understood that I was off my rocker. I told W about it who said "not the Aliens again woman..."

I wish there was alien garlic I could hang from my windows & G's bassinet.

Where does the public hair come in?

First of all, I don't think aliens have pubic hair....why would they need pubs in space? Why wouldn't they? For some reason pubic hair in space doesn't make sense. Princess Leia probably had a Brazilian wax.

The pubic hair story is for flaca I started to tell you this but never got around to it.

When I was 22ish I blissfully sat on my toilet doing my business unaware of anything vitally important...when I looked down at my business. I saw a grey pubic hair. I sat there in shock at first staring at the offending hair thinking that maybe it was a mistake. My body some how over looked something like they do at all offices & this pubic hair was suppose to be sent elsewhere at a different time...like on my eyebrows when I'm sixty. After trying to shoo it away & realizing that it was there. I started to cry. Okay, I started to howl. This alerting the nana who back then was only the annoying superstitious little Mexican woman I live with....who started pounding on the door asking whats wrong...she kept yelling at me asking if I was pregnant. I have blocked out the rest...I don't remember much after that...but I do remember years of hair color being put in places it doesn't recommend on the box.